Mushroom journey inspires man to take up accounting

Hallucinogens have been used as a vehicle for creativity and life-changing achievement for centuries. From becoming aware of the meaning of life to writing “Sergeant. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” drugs like mushrooms and LSD have a reputation for making people think and take risks.

Well, Greg Lemus did it, I guess.

Greg, a recent college graduate with a degree in computer science living in Verona, felt he had no career options. Hoping to find some inspiration, the 23-year-old contacted his friendly local drug dealer for a half ounce of psychedelic mushrooms.

“I was just doing odd jobs and had a few days off, so I was like ‘what the hell are you doing,'” Lemus said. “As soon as I got home, I flopped down on the couch and squatted down.”

At first, Lemus recalls, the experience was disappointing. An hour later, he found himself lying naked in a pasture next to some grazing cows.

“So I lay there, no layer of separation between my nads and this 2,400 pound mega beef, and it felt like I was part of the Earth. The grass. The animals. The slop. All of it,” said Lemus, moved.

Throughout the journey, which lasted the rest of the evening, the relatively straightforward young adult recalled noticing how different factors in the environment influenced each other.

“The soil…it provides nutrients to the trees. Trees grow apples – on the trip I thought the red M&M and his family were stuck, but anyway…those apples can feed the animals. Then the animals feed me,” Lemus explained.

To clarify, by “the animals feed me” it’s fair to assume he means he eats the meat after they’ve been slaughtered. There are no pigs feeding him Chief Boyardee or anything.

“Accounting is a lot like the planet, really. They crunch the numbers to keep people and businesses organized and stable. It’s as if businesses are bright, colorful flowers and accountants are the humble bumblebees that provide them with nectar to help them grow,” said a satisfied Lemus.

Lacking an accounting degree, Lemus has already applied to return to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Although the future senior accountant knows a lot more about programming software than accounting, he says he doesn’t mind the long hours it will take to land his dream job.

“When you live in a career wasteland like Verona, you have to make a path for yourself. I just can’t be clear enough about how grateful I am for the drugs now,” a confident Lemus concluded.

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